last night

this was supposed to be an sms created out of frustration or disappointment that turned into a lenghty message that i think will qualify as an essay...

i just hoped you have treated me like i am nothing to you. it would have made my life a lot easier. others have done that to me and i dont mind whatever happens after.

all i want is for me to lie down every night and immediately fall asleep. instead, i spend every night up until 2am thinking about someone who never really cared for me. And i always pray that i dont cry even for just one night because in the morning, my eyes really hurt and i have a hard time reading things at work.

as much as possible, i dont want any idle time. but so far, i have lots of that. one of the reason i like staying late at the office. eventually, i still need to go home and be reminded that im in horrible pain...like a knife was stuck at my back.

i am happy to have very supportive friends. like our crazy friend, i like his idea of going to a far off island when the tides are really bad. whatever happens on that trip, im ready to face it.

but before i vanish, there are things that i hope you can answer: do you even see yourself waking up next to me everyday? who would you rather wake up next to? is a compromise out of the question?

im really tired...