an open letter for you

Dear G*****,

i never thought that i was such a worthless person until you came...

i thought your wedding will be the event that will crush me. i didnt expect it to happen on my birthday. im sure you are aware now how important that day was to me. i dont give a crap if you consider yours as just another day in the calendar. because of this, i will forever carry the stigma of the pain youve given. i may ban having any kind of celebration during that day. it will just be another ordinary day.

i always tell you that a woman's instinct is always correct. and i was so sure that youre not going to my party. you said excuses like because your "baby" sis doesnt have anyone with her at your house. i was fine with that though i was a bit disappointed. but the cherry on the sh*t sundae was when you said the following day that you have been waiting for the rain to stop before you can visit me at our house. the fcuk?! theres a typhoon for crying out loud! the rain wont cease! you really dont have any plan on seeing me on my birthday. if i want to visit someone, i told you, only a flood can stop me...and it doesnt even flood in my area!

i was hoping for a cinderella finish but coming from you that was next to impossible. out of the 10 things you said youll do for me, only 0.5 of it happens...i kept looking out the kitchen window, hoping to see your bald head pop out. but it never happened. sleep is more important for you. you never cared about what i feel. you always want me to comply to whatever you want. you want me to always wait for the "scraps" that you might throw at my direction. you dont make me feel important to you because im not your gf. im just a substitute. like the analogy my friend said...your gf is peanut butter while im chizwhiz. there will come a time that youll want chiz whiz but youll always go back to peanut butter...

i told my friend that i never felt like the "other woman" with my other flings. but with you...you rubbed it on my face! now that im not talking to you in any means possible, i cant believe that after what you did, you expect me to melt on your hand with the words you use? "forgive me" you say...why the fcuk would i forgive you?!?! i cant see any kind of effort that will follow that stupid apology! i dont even think theres any kind of sincerity in those words! everytime we would have these petty fights/"breaks" you say that youll be more sensitive from now on. F U ! youll never think highly of me. i'll always be the second fiddle. you wont pick me over your gf...ever!

right now, im just soooo tired. i want to be left alone. i just want to isolate myself from people...i hate you...i hate you so much because of what you turned me into. i have really accepted the fact that im not lovable. you always say that "women who gets left behind by their partners have a problem"...but i think most of the time, the problem is the guy...

i hope you burn in hell...

Z**